Words -- Peace or Pain?

A friend wrote a message today about verbal and emotional abuse. She wants people to realize these kinds of mistreatment are as harmful as physical abuse or battering. And she is right. In fact, cruel and hate-filled words may be even MORE painful than a slap, a kick, or a punch.

Unfortunately, verbal and emotional abuse are not rare. Many of us remember the child on the playground who was always chosen last to be on a team. Perhaps we ourselves have been victims of mockery and name-calling.

All around us there are people who carry insecurities, anger, and sorrowful memories because they have been targets of someone else's mockery or wrath. Perhaps we are casualties of verbal emotional, or some other form of abuse. Some may heal to an extent, but many will bear the scars of emotional trauma all the rest of their lives.

In our culture, in our families, at school, on the job, and even in our Churches hurtful things are said to one degree or another. This is counter to what God has commanded us when He said to love our neighbor as ourselves. By our words, we can bring peace and joy to others (and to ourselves). And we can bless someone else. Conversely, our words can bring pain and sorrow. It is hard to think of it, but we can be perpetrators of abuse.

The Bible is clear that our words -- and even our thoughts -- are of great importance.  James wrote, "With [the tongue] we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God.  From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so." It is Jesus who said that people will know that we are His followers if we have love for one another! 

There is a little song that we used to sing in Sunday School when I was a child and we taught it to our children. It goes like this:

"Oh, be careful, little tongue what you say!
Be careful little tongue what you say.
For the Father up above
Is looking down in LOVE,
So be careful, little tongue what you say."

Let's join with the Psalmist, who prayed:

"Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart
be acceptable in your sight, O LORD, my rock and my redeemer."  Psalm 19:14

Being The Eldest Sibling

Here is another memory, family! This photo is from 1967 when Valerie was about 2 1/2 and Stephen was almost a year old. When I think back on those days I think of how she took it upon herself to care for her little siblings. It was so sweet.

That is what the eldest child so often does! They are the helpers and the care-givers of the family. As the older sister in my family, I waited 5 1/2 years for a sibling. And, oh what a happy day to have my one, dear sister come into ou...r family. She was so much fun and so sweet.

By the time I was almost nine, there were four of us -- two brothers were welcomed into our family. And I was the baby sitter since Mom was sick with phlebitis in her legs quite frequently in those days.

I felt responsible for her and for my siblings. It wasn't easy. I thought at times that Mom expected more than I was able to give. The kids gave me a tough time sometimes. But God enabled me to do what He called me to do. And I still thank Him!

The care-giver older sister role became more intensified when Mom was widowed at the age of 34. Those were very tough times, but there were so many lessons to be learned and I am grateful that now I can hold a hand here and there and honestly say, "I understand. I care".


The Bible tells us this in 2 Corinthians chapter 1:

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.

"For as the sufferings of Christ abound in us, so our consolation also abounds through Christ. Now if we are afflicted, it is for your consolation and salvation, which is effective for enduring the same sufferings which we also suffer.

"Or if we are comforted, it is for your consolation and salvation. And our hope for you is steadfast, because we know that as you are partakers of the sufferings, so also you will partake of the consolation."

So, dear ones, trust the Lord in the good times and in the tough times. Through all the joys, all the sorrows, all the rewards, and all the injustices the Lord will walk with you. And He will form you into a more loving and compassionate person. May He be glorified through it all.

More Family Memories - Part 1

Did you ever think: "I should write that down so I don't forget it."
We all have, but if you are like I am, you get busy and forget.
So I've decided to dive into the past and pull out some cute and special things mainly for family, but you friends are welcome to join us if you wish. :
...

So let's start right here with a note that Bethany wrote to Valerie in the fall of her freshman year in college! Now, how sweet is that?

Love in the family is more precious than gold! If you, dear reader, have a story from the family that you would like to share, please send it to me. I will pass it along in this blog so that we can have it available for those who love the good, old stories. Then some day when a cherished, little face looks into yours and asks for a story about the "olden days", you will have a resource right here!                                                                            

Have Confidence. God is in Control!

We have often wondered at how people can grow up in the same environment yet be so different. Personality, gifts, talents, interests, academics, physical appearance, and other features and attributes can be so varied -- even among siblings and cousins.

God made each one special and unique. And He is interested in everything about us. See what the Bible has to say: in Psalm 139:

". . .you formed my inward parts;
    you knitted me together in my mother's womb.¹⁴ I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works;
    my soul knows it very well.¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you,
when I was being made in secret,
    intricately woven in the depths of the earth.¹⁶ Your eyes saw my unformed substance;in your book were written, every one of them,
    the days that were formed for me,    when as yet there was none of them."

Our God knows ALL things, even before they happen. And He knew us  before we were even conceived. What an awesome thought.

Is there any wonder that the ONE who formed us, made us, and loves us is interested in every aspect of our lives? That, my friends should give us peace and confidence. 

Sometimes we think of a child, grandchild, or other loved one or friend and we become worried about his or her well-being. And we have to remind ourselves that GOD loves them more than we do. And we can trust Him to work in their lives.

Romans 8:32 comes to mind.  "He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things?"

Cling to this thought with confidence that our Lord is in control and He loves us "with an everlasting love": 

 

Thoughts On Aging

These are thoughts that I was having on September 10, 2002 --

Tonight I am thinking of the aged and the aging.

We know that we are to honor, to value, to respect, and to emulate our elders -- especially the dear Christians who have given so much love, time, prayers, money and of themselves to and for us.

But we also have to admit that we become confused, frustrated, hurt, and angry sometimes because we don't know how to properly care for them and we don't understand their concerns and their fears.

Someone said today of a loved one, "he is no longer living the life of faith that we were always used to seeing." And we knew exactly what this friend meant, for we saw Wayne's Dad become more preoccupied with the security (financially) that he could provide in the workplace vs the ministry. It was a great disappointment to us when he left the pastorate.

Of course, he never lost his love for the Lord, His Word, and His Church. But we couldn't help but feel that he settled for second best in areas of his life (and we have, too).

May God grant us patience and an extra measure of love and understanding for our elderly loved ones. And may we remember we will "be there" before we know it!

Addenda added on September 1, 2017:

Fifteen years have passed since I wrote those words. And, we are "there" ourselves. We have watched ourselves losing abilities that we took for granted. We are more fragile physically. We don't move about as quickly as we once did. Every task takes more time and energy than ever. We forget things and have to retrace our steps more often than we once did.

We find ourselves thinking more and more about the changes that may come into our lives very quickly. When one of us dies, what kinds of decisions will the other have to make? We talk about it and are pondering some possible changes even now.

But . . . "we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day.  For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison,  as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal."  -- 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

Prayer Is Vital

Doing The Best Thing and The Least Thing We Can Do
January 27, 2012

Grandchildren, here is a picture of some of you in our family room, but I am thinking of every one of you from the very youngest (Adam) to the oldest (Heather). There are 26 of you as of 2012.

Let's talk about prayer today. Prayer -- it's simply talking to God. He is with us always and has His ears open to us. He knows our happy times and he knows our sad times. And He is always ready to listen.

I learned to pray as a very young child. Our family was a praying family. But your grandfather taught me more about prayer after we were married. One thing that amazed me about Grampie was that he prayed about everything. For example, when we got into the car to go somewhere, we prayed before we started our trip and asked God to give us "traveling mercies" -- to keep us safe. He prayed for our children before they were born. And he prayed for the children that our children would have someday (that is YOU, of course).  He prayed when he couldn't find something. Your Grampie prayed about things that never entered my head as a matter for prayer. He helped me to understand more fully that GOD cares about every detail of our lives, whether it is big or little.

One night I was reading the Bible online. Online Bible reading is great because it is easy to go from translation to translation and to paraphrases in order to get a better understanding of the chapters and the verses. While I was reading, an old spiritual came to mind: "It's me, it's me, Oh Lord, standing in the need of prayer. . . not my brother, not my sister, but it's me, Oh Lord." Hmmm -- that made me stop and think. I pray for you and a lot of people, but how often do I really pray for ME?

I'm supposed to pray for YOU. The Bible commands it! In the Old Testament, the Prophet Samuel said to King Saul, "God forbid that I should sin by ceasing to pray for you." In this very difficult world, the very best thing that we can do for one another is to pray! And we can do that any time of the day or night. We can pray lying on our beds, driving the car, at work, at play. We can pray anywhere and at any time. We can speak aloud or direct our thoughts to the Lord because He knows what we are thinking on the inside.

There are always many needs among our family, friends, and "friends of friends": spiritual, physical, emotional, material, end-of life issues, pregnancies, stresses, and conflicts. People are concerned about their grades, where they will go to college, who they will marry. Some of those things are overwhelming to us and they motivate us to pray for each other. Those are the times when we go to God's Emergency Room!

But we should pray for ourselves, too. When we do that, we are telling our VERY best friend about us! One thing to remember is that we should be very careful that we do not ONLY pray when we have problems. The Bible says we should "pray without ceasing". That doesn't mean we have to be praying every second, but we must not neglect our regular times to pray -- daily. You know when we pray for you most often? It is at meal times when we thank the Lord for our food. So three or more times every day we are praying for members of our family. Sometimes we pray because we know you have a need. And other times pray for you "just because".

What do you pray about? If you are like me, maybe you forget to ask the Lord to teach you what you need to know for living this life in a pure and wholesome way. Maybe you forget to tell Him when you have had bad thoughts or when you have been mean or when you have used rude or crude language. He wants to hear from us at those times and He has promised to forgive us and to help us please Him in everything we do and in everything we say. If we just go our own way, we usually live very selfish lives. We need God's guidance and so we pray and we read the Bible. We go to Church and we talk to other Christians and to our family. That is how we learn. And that is how we grow as Christians.

Maybe the thing we forget most often is to praise Him for who He is -- our Lord and Savior. Or maybe we are more forgetful about thanking Him for the blessings and miracles that He freely gives to us by His grace -- especially the miracles of salvation and redemption.

So remember to pray for friends and family. And remember to pray for yourself, too. When you pray, tell God how wonderful He is. Tell Him you love Him. Thank God for His goodness and His gracious gifts. Tell the Lord when you have done wrong things. Tell Him you are sorry and that You want to not do that again. That is repenting -- turning away from those things that do not please the Lord. So pray. It is the LEAST you can do and it is the BEST you can do.

Getting Ready For A Camp

One Of Those Special Moments
February 1, 2012

It really was a very special time for your Grandfather, Uncle Jonathan, Uncle Brian, and me.  We had worked hard clearing up brush and unwanted logs at our site on Cary Lake. It was the fall of 2011 -- late October. It was well into the evening.  The moon was full, the air was calm. Except for the crackling of the fire and the soft tone of our voices, there was little else to hear as we enjoyed the unusually warm night and the fires. We had four of them burning that night. 

It was a night for thinking about the value of family and time together with people that we love. It was a time to be enveloped in the peace of a perfect night. We cherish such times.  

The light from those fires remind me that Jesus said we are to be as lights in this very dark world. One time we were in Luray Cavern in Virginia and as the guide showed us the amazing formations, we came to a large space and he stopped us. He said he was going to have the lights turned off so we could experience total darkness. The lights went off and there was no glimmer anywhere. The darkness was almost palpable. I moved my hand in front of my face but could see nothing. It was total blindness and it seemed to even be a little hard to catch my breath in such dark and "heavy" air. Then after a moment he said he was going to strike a match so we could see how effective a little light was in a totally dark place. It was amazing. I could see features from a few yards away. We all began to murmur over it because we were so astonished.

I tell you this to remind you that Jesus said we are not to hide our light, but to let it shine. If you are ever tempted to think that your good deeds, your kind words, your prayers are of no value, think again! Those things stand out brightly in this troubled world. People all around you are hurting and they need to know that somebody cares. Maybe you can't fix their problems, but you CAN care. As someone wrote on facebook recently, "one person can make a difference -- or at least try." How true!